The flu season is here again. In the spirit that laughter is sometimes the
best medicine, let us take a humorous look at how each of the zodiacal signs
might handle this most common human misery.
Aries is the first sign and
therefore likely to get the flu before
everyone else. Being a fire,
Aries is likely to get a fever
and hallucinate being in the intimate care of cute doctors and
nubile candy stripers. It could be that what Aries has is not a cold,
it's another case of spring fever.
Taurus gets the flu and stays in bed feeling lethargic, but they
do that
anyway, so it's hard to tell when a Taurus is sick. Being the possessive type,
when Taurians do catch colds, they refuse to share it.
A Taurian sore throat can often be cured with
cream brandy.
Gemini rules the hands and arms, and is known for their good sense of
humor. It's easy to spot a Gemini with the flu. They're the ones who are
coughing and sneezing and waving their arms in the
air. When there's someting funny going around, Gemini is sure to
catch it.
Cancer lucks out when it comes to the flu. Cancer rules the home, food and
strong women. Whenever a Cancer gets the flu, a powerful, beautiful goddess
type bring them miso soup, chicken noodle soup
and the like.
Leo is a
proud and dramatic sign. When a Leo gets the flu it has to be worse than
everyone else's. Leos make a big show of their ill condition.
Virgo
is the sign most concerned with health. Naturally Virgos are always fighting
the flu with home remedies, enjoying herbal enemas and the like.
Libra
is the sign of partnership, and give and take. Libra catches a cold from their
partner and then they give it back. Often they're stuck in an endless loop with
a "love bug."
Scorpio is a willful sign. They say, "I don't get colds," and they don't.
They only get the most deadly flu viruses, and that's just to prove that it
can't kill them. Since Scorpio rules the "secret
parts," they're the ones most likely to make a game of checking
with a rectal thermometer.
Sagittarius is an international sign, most likely to catch the Hong Kong
flu and other important strains. Being philosophical, they catch "travel bugs"
and the flu at school where they're trying to
"know it all."
Capricorn is a serious and professional sign. When they catch the flu, they
must see a doctor. Since Capricorn rules the knees, no physical exam is
complete without the little hammer testing their reflexes.
Aquarius is high tech and avant-garde. They prefer to catch
computer viruses and flu symptoms that no one else has ever heard
of.
Pisces is a water sign and a bit of
a martyr. When Pisces catches a cold, it features a prominent runny nose and a
public display of suffering. If Pisceans insist on blaming themselves for
getting sick, ask them if they need a good turn over the lap for an
old-fashioned bare bottom spanking!
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Zodiac art by MOTTASIA
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